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Friday, September 17, 2010

Recap, Our Playa Wedding: Promising

Writing vows is hard. Writing two sets of vows is even harder. Yep, two sets. Our vows for our October wedding have been drafted and patiently waiting for 10/10/10 to come around. 

On the other hand, the vows for our Burning Man wedding... well it's a good thing some of my best writing occurs under deadline and even better that cubes can think under pressure. Mine were drafted a few hours before our playa wedding using a borrowed pencil and paper.

08-31 syzygryd, eden & cubes
Photography Credit: Markus 'Fin' Hametner via Flickr

We had rough guidelines from our rabbi for the October vows: 
  1. Think about why your partner loves and wants to be with you, promise to be and/or do those things.
  2. Don't make any promises that you can't or won't keep, your partner might be hurt if you forget or stop doing something.
  3. Cover a broad timeline, not just today.
With our Burning Man vows we had no such guidelines. We also could be a little more laid back as we weren't standing up in front of a rabbi or our parents. We did still have to keep the vows PG as business colleagues and relatives of coworkers might be present. Oh and as the ceremony might be videotaped and on YouTube from now and until eternity we also wanted to exercise discretion. (Even when I'm on vacation I'm still ever vigilant about my social media branding.)

So if you're sitting with a blank piece of paper in front of you, trying to sum up why you're in love and how you're going to make this relationship last a lifetime, try this: scan other vows to get an idea of various types of formats and start listing all the reasons you love your partner and why you're getting married. Miss Cola suggested discussing a format with your partner, agreeing on the Vow Libs (aka format) and then going off separately and filling in the blanks. Another format that I liked was Mr. and Mrs. Pencils's vows - what's special about the partner followed by the vows or promises.

One of my favorite set of vows is actually those from a wedding of friends of friends. I've never met the bride, but her pancake breakfasts were the thing of legends on the playa. I'd had a dream that the morning after our wedding, armed with bullhorn and pancakes she came into camp and rousted us. The vows from their wedding:
“Jonathan: I vow to love you
Kestrin: I vow to love you
J: to respect you
K: to always make fun
J: to be your best friend ever
K: to constantly generate a force field of awesome to guide and protect us
J: to do what I love
K: to actively maintain our relationship
J: to be lucky
K: to live a charmed life
J: to live as long as possible
K: to ask nicely for what i need
J: to communicate my feelings effectively
K: to live a life of hilarious bliss together
J: to provide for you
K: to solve problems
J: to make time for you every single day
J: to remain curious
K: to stand by my man
J: to put our relationship first
K: to build a community around us
J: to build a family life together
K: to give you babies
J: to change the diapers on those babies
K: to be great parent
J: to sing with you in the morning
K: to give you shoulder rubs, intermittently, for as long as we both shall live
J: to remember how lucky I am
K: to rock out with our great grandchildren
J: to take you on one hundred honeymoons
K: to maintain a menagerie
J: to clean up
K: to sing songs to you
J: to speak for you when you sing your voice out
K: to throw radical parties
J: to be faithful to you
K: to take joy in doing nice things for you
J: to be compassionate
K: to be devoted
J: to be committed
K: to be happy
J: to Listen to you
K: to support you
J: to stay with you forever
K: Do you vow to be my husband?
J: I do. Do you vow to be my wife?
K: I do.”

I don't think anyone recorded our vows. cubes' vows to me - although spoken as if well-rehearsed - were composed in the moment and from the heart. When overcome by emotion, I tend not to be as eloquent as cubes, especially when surrounded by a crowd, so my vows were scribbled down ahead of time. 

Eden reading her vows
Photography Credit: Arlette via Flickr  

Here's what I vowed to cubes as the sunset over the playa and Syzygryd came to life:
You bring out the best in me.
You challenge me to do
and try what I think I cannot do.
You support me in all that I try and all that I do.
You made me believe in fairy tales 
and that they could 
and can happen for me.
You took a girl who'd never been proposed to 
and made the unbelievable happen. 
Not once. 
Not twice. 
But three times.
You surprise me 
and make me excited to see what each day with you will bring.

I promise to give my best each day
to ask for
and to accept help when I need it.
I promise to be open
and honest
and share what I'm feeling.
I promise to make the first move when needed.
I promise to respect you
and to live each day with you
to the fullest.

I'm so excited to be your wife
and love you so very much.

Our Playa Wedding Recapped

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