Griping Guests? Not Here

As hosts and hostesses we want our guests to feel comfortable. And we worry about being bombarded with complaints and gripes (Part I, Part II, Part III). You know what I mean, but here are a few:

• They sat me in front of a speaker. By the end of the night I couldn't hear a thing!
• They sat me behind a pillar (or in another room) and I couldn't see a thing!
• They sat me at a table where I didn't know anyone.
• They didn't provide any entertainment. I was bored out of my skull.
• They only invited me to the reception. I didn't even get to see the bride in her dress!
• They made me travel all over town trying to get from one side to the other for the ceremony and then to the reception. I couldn't find parking and I missed the bride and groom being announced.
• They didn't serve us any refreshments while the wedding photos were being taken. I was parched and starving!
• The speeches went on and on and on. When I finally got to eat, the food was stone cold.

Beth Helmstetter recommends in dealing with wedding guests' gripes that brides and grooms "take some time to really focus on your guests comfort." Now I can't imagine brides and grooms not thinking about their guests, but I'm sure there are some.

Well, as a hostess and a former bride, I want to call out these anonymous guests who gripe behind the bride and groom's backs. Seriously did you think that you were invited to a wedding only so the couple can make you uncomfortable and starve you? While a wedding isn't only about the couple, why do you think it's all about you?

After hearing real brides stories about guests complaining and reading guest gripes (this is what I get for occasionally dipping into the WIC - you'd think I would have known better), I obsessed about table seating. I had nightmares about who would be in front of speakers. About whether or not guests in the balcony would be able to see everything. About whether we'd have to seat guests in another room.

I fretted over whether guests would be able to eat. I considered allergies and dietary preferences when selecting appetizers, entrées, and sides. I made light of missing RSVPs and tried multiple times to confirm whether guests could join us. I purchased extra meals and waited up until days before the wedding for RSVPs before making alternate plans.

So to all of our guests I want to say thank you. Why?

For not taking offense when we invited you last minute as we worked our way through missing RSVPs.

For understanding that even with proofreading we might misspell a name but that we didn't intentionally do so.

For forgiving us for not knowing about a girlfriend or a fiancé when we sent out our invitations and RSVP cards.

For understanding when we couldn't offer a plus one to all of our single guests.

For rearranging tables - when other guests didn't show up - so that no one was seated at a table of people they had nothing in common with or didn't know.

For not getting bored and for entertaining us with the performance of the great Salt and Pepper Shaker Caper.

For not complaining and instead acting. Especially when it came to our bar. When our bartenders served entire 24 ounce bottles of beer to individuals, you nicely asked them for two glasses and poured the beer yourself. (We were were required by permitting restrictions and by insurance to hire "professional" bartenders even though our guests have set up and run many a bar themselves.) We purchased more alcohol than BevMo had advised so we hadn't ever thought that running out was a possibility. For every guest - all 134 of you whether you drank or not - we had 3 - 12 ounce beers, 2 glasses of wine, 2 signature drinks (that was 2 shots of vodka per person), 1 Tru Blood non-alcoholic beverage, 1 non-alcoholic IZZE soda, and 1 bottled water. And we ran out of beer. Thankfully did you ball your fists and stomp your feet? No. Instead you were amazing guests. You quietly excused yourselves and returned with cases of Tecate under your arms. I don't know who you are, but I salute you.

Most of all thank you for remembering that etiquette and courtesy are not just required of the bride and groom but by all.