Tips: A Proper Thank You

Our first batch of thank you's went out in May shortly after we received the first wave of gifts. Today I learned that procrastination (or absentmindedly forgetting where I placed our written thank you notes) is a good thing.

Why? While I know that thank yous should be written and sent no later than a month after receiving the gift, I didn't know that amounts of money or gift certificates should not be mentioned. Oops. Thankfully that means I only have to rewrite three notes. (Luckily we didn't receive gift certificates in May. So no faux paus there.)

For anyone who is unsure about how to write a proper thank you, check out Good Mouse Bad's tips. She covers every angle and gives concrete examples. For anyone who is uncertain when to send their thank yous or how many (a combined note for a shower gift and wedding gift or separate notes), here are delivery tips.

Timing

• For gifts received before the wedding, send thank you notes within 1 to 2 weeks.
• For gifts received after the wedding, send thank you notes within a month after you return from your honeymoon - assuming you go on your honeymoon (or mini-moon) immediately after your wedding, not weeks or months later.

Form
No matter how tempted you are, never ever combine a thank you note. If a guest attended your shower and gave you a gift, send them a thank you note for that gift. If the same guest attended your wedding and gave you another gift, send them another thank you note for that gift.

• For gifts received at your shower, send a thank you note on your stationery.
• For gifts received at your wedding or sent to you both, send a thank you note on stationery that matches the paper goods from your wedding.

All of our (and my) thank you notes - correctly written - should be in the mail by tomorrow. They'll be delivered within a month of the wedding (we're not leaving for our mini-moon until later this month so to wait until we returned would have been pushing it) so according to etiquette for most gifts we're timely. Unfortunately, for gifts that arrived during Syzygryd madness or between Burning Man and our wedding, some will be definitely late.

Also... as it's more than two weeks after my shower, I fail in timeliness there. And running out of stationery (or being away for a week on a business trip) is no excuse at all (it just shows how horribly out of practice I am at proper acknowledgements).

Hopefully our (and my) guests will understand and still appreciate the note.

Griping Guests? Not Here

As hosts and hostesses we want our guests to feel comfortable. And we worry about being bombarded with complaints and gripes (Part I, Part II, Part III). You know what I mean, but here are a few:

• They sat me in front of a speaker. By the end of the night I couldn't hear a thing!
• They sat me behind a pillar (or in another room) and I couldn't see a thing!
• They sat me at a table where I didn't know anyone.
• They didn't provide any entertainment. I was bored out of my skull.
• They only invited me to the reception. I didn't even get to see the bride in her dress!
• They made me travel all over town trying to get from one side to the other for the ceremony and then to the reception. I couldn't find parking and I missed the bride and groom being announced.
• They didn't serve us any refreshments while the wedding photos were being taken. I was parched and starving!
• The speeches went on and on and on. When I finally got to eat, the food was stone cold.

Beth Helmstetter recommends in dealing with wedding guests' gripes that brides and grooms "take some time to really focus on your guests comfort." Now I can't imagine brides and grooms not thinking about their guests, but I'm sure there are some.

Well, as a hostess and a former bride, I want to call out these anonymous guests who gripe behind the bride and groom's backs. Seriously did you think that you were invited to a wedding only so the couple can make you uncomfortable and starve you? While a wedding isn't only about the couple, why do you think it's all about you?

After hearing real brides stories about guests complaining and reading guest gripes (this is what I get for occasionally dipping into the WIC - you'd think I would have known better), I obsessed about table seating. I had nightmares about who would be in front of speakers. About whether or not guests in the balcony would be able to see everything. About whether we'd have to seat guests in another room.

I fretted over whether guests would be able to eat. I considered allergies and dietary preferences when selecting appetizers, entrées, and sides. I made light of missing RSVPs and tried multiple times to confirm whether guests could join us. I purchased extra meals and waited up until days before the wedding for RSVPs before making alternate plans.

So to all of our guests I want to say thank you. Why?

For not taking offense when we invited you last minute as we worked our way through missing RSVPs.

For understanding that even with proofreading we might misspell a name but that we didn't intentionally do so.

For forgiving us for not knowing about a girlfriend or a fiancé when we sent out our invitations and RSVP cards.

For understanding when we couldn't offer a plus one to all of our single guests.

For rearranging tables - when other guests didn't show up - so that no one was seated at a table of people they had nothing in common with or didn't know.

For not getting bored and for entertaining us with the performance of the great Salt and Pepper Shaker Caper.

For not complaining and instead acting. Especially when it came to our bar. When our bartenders served entire 24 ounce bottles of beer to individuals, you nicely asked them for two glasses and poured the beer yourself. (We were were required by permitting restrictions and by insurance to hire "professional" bartenders even though our guests have set up and run many a bar themselves.) We purchased more alcohol than BevMo had advised so we hadn't ever thought that running out was a possibility. For every guest - all 134 of you whether you drank or not - we had 3 - 12 ounce beers, 2 glasses of wine, 2 signature drinks (that was 2 shots of vodka per person), 1 Tru Blood non-alcoholic beverage, 1 non-alcoholic IZZE soda, and 1 bottled water. And we ran out of beer. Thankfully did you ball your fists and stomp your feet? No. Instead you were amazing guests. You quietly excused yourselves and returned with cases of Tecate under your arms. I don't know who you are, but I salute you.

Most of all thank you for remembering that etiquette and courtesy are not just required of the bride and groom but by all.

What We Did: Authenticity

Throughout our planning we thought about both what we would enjoy AND what our guests would enjoy. From finding food that everyone could eat to sharing parking passes with those braving Fleet Week traffic. 

I had fretted about what guests would say if seated in the balcony or near a speaker after seeing/reading diatribes from guests at other weddings. So I was pleasantly surprised to hear and see how much our guests enjoyed the night. Our goal had been to create an inclusive affair-not one just about us, and I think we succeeded.

Here's what some of our guests said/wrote:

• "What a wonderful wedding.  And so much FUN!"
• "It was the least-generic wedding I've ever been to. I particularly loved the boots with the white laces."
• "I wanted to thank you for putting together such a perfect evening. You wedding was beyond great to be a part of, and the entire event a beautiful class act, every detail wonderful, and all the people in your lives are indeed incredible in themselves."
• "I had a *great* time at your wedding. Thank you so much for inviting me!"

The evening wouldn't have been such a success without the following people:

• My Diva of Honor, Ames, who kept me grounded, offered up her dining room table for our crafting days, hand wrote all of our envelopes and place cards, fashioned the most beautiful bouquets I've ever seen, scheduled mani-pedis for us, made sure I was fed (the night of my hair trial, the morning of the wedding, and right before the ceremony), and numerous other activities - too many to list here.
• My Bridesmaid, Monica, who found hair and makeup people that were fun to be with and got the vision for the ceremony, who arranged flowers and candles for the tablescapes and figured out the ribbons we needed, who rushed out of dinner with me to free me from my corset so that I could eat and enjoy myself, who crafted an amazing wedding perfume for us, and many many more things - too many to list here.
• My Bridesman, Massive Bri, who picked up the pieces when I fell apart, folded and punched programs, tied better bows than me, masterfully completed the Trav L Bars, dashed back to the apartment to fetch my getaway outfit, and many other things - too many to list here.
• cubes's Groomsmaid, Helen, who cut and sewed all of our table runners, finished our place cards, fashioned a non-lethal tool for threading ribbon through the programs, assembled programs, and more - too many to list here.
• cubes's Groomsman, Steve, who kept us fed with the most amazing BBQ, cut ribbons for the invitations, sliced corks to hold our place cards, fetched ice for the bar, and much much more - too much to list everything here.
• Our wedding elves, Iris, Mooflyfoof, Annie, Hilary, Icka, Dani, and Todd who made the photo wall happen; cut and glued paper for invitations, place cards, table numbers, and wedding favors; cut raffia and ribbon; tied raffia/ribbon for invitations, mason jars, and programs; sealed envelopes; ferried drinks and alcohol between our garage and the venue; advised on flowers for the bouquets; picked up and distributed ice for the bar, and again much much more.
• My future sister-in-laws Arwa and Jamie, who helped me get dressed, tied both my corset and boots, went on a scavenger hunt for and found straws, designed and customized the maids' necklaces, and more.
• Our usher and official tweeter Roland who set up the bar and escorted both of our grandmothers into the hall and out again.
• Our friends Josh and Starr who spun our favorite tunes and reminded me of our first date as a couple - Shark Attack.
• Our guests who gave us not one but two standing ovations and who danced the night away with us.
• Our rabbi who made everyone laugh and helped us take our mind off the unseasonably hot weather.
• And last, but not least... Our Month of Coordinator Brittani Waldman and her assistant (Dream a Little Dream Events) who executed our vision to perfection, setting up and tearing down all DIY projects; ensured that neither us or our wedding party lacked for anything; and smiled tirelessly.

Obsessed with Envelope Liners

Help! My passion for stationery has gone to new extremes.

Here's the emergency. We find ourselves needing to send out Thank You notes before the wedding (initial idea of using a photo from the ceremony no longer works). The design is simple yet elegant with lots of room for a personalized note. The envelope is plain. The envelope looks exactly like the one we're using for our invites (that's because it is the same).

For months now, I've been seeing invitation suites with lined envelopes and DIY envelope liner posts.

(Oh So Beautiful Paper)

(Penned and Pretty... A Calligraphy Shop)

(Oh So Beautiful Paper)

(Source)

(Source)

(Paper Source)

It was never an option for our invitations. (I ordered custom 44 cent postage stamps so to avoid tipping the scale at more than an ounce (I couldn't find a custom 17 cent option and I didn't want to order custom 61 cent postage stamps) we're skipping unnecessary weight.)

Ok, I'm pretty obsessed. By that I mean, I'm obsessed with the pretty. Seriously I've told myself, "Eden Keep It Real." I even put together a Top 5 Things Brides Should Do to Keep It Real and have it with me at all times. I thought I was doing so well. I was even smugly patting myself on the back. That is until Miss Lobster's post about Rubber Stamps put me over the edge.

Envelope liners AND a custom detail on the front of their envelopes!

(Source)

Immediately our lace rose popped into my mind. That would look lovely on the front of the envelope. A quick search on the Interwebs, and I found some options:

Stamp Francisco

Or a pocket watch.

Nora Jane on Etsy

Wouldn't a touch of purple or charcoal gray contrast nicely with the light gray/cream envelope?

Someone - anyone - please talk me back from the ledge. It's a stretch from our design elements to the two stamps I found. But jeez our envelopes look plain.

Poll: Thoughts on envelope liners.

A. A proper envelope never goes into the mailbox without a liner.

B. Who takes the time to open envelopes? Just rip and be done with it.

C. What's an envelope liner?

Maybe I should just take a break from paper, stationery, and scrapbooking blogs for awhile (at least until everything paper-related for our day is in the mail).

Saying Gracias (Thank You)

Many couples tend not to think of their thank you cards until closer to their wedding (we're still five months out). However, Emily Post advises that couples acknowledge gifts within three months. Not three months from the wedding date. Three months from the receipt of the gift. Essortment advises no later than a month from the receipt of the gift and within two weeks of a couples' return from the honeymoon.

With today's postponed honeymoons (or postponed mini-moon in our case) and use of photos from the wedding, etiquette can often inadvertently fall to the side.

Until we consulted the Interwebs, we too assumed that within a year of the wedding date was appropriate. We too had also planned to design our thank you cards with an image from the wedding itself.

Tonight we completed another DIT project - the design of our Thank You cards. They'll be printed on the same Banana Paper Card Stock as our invitations and include our signature purple and vintage lace rose. The inside - as dictated by etiquette - is blank with enough room for a personalized note.

Tata for now, we're off to order more personalized stamps. The planned stamps for our thank you notes that would feature ceremony photos would arrive over four months too late.

Did you rethink your thank you cards? Or are you sending different thank you cards pre-wedding and post-wedding?