I write "not" in brackets because in my mind our wedding was perfect and I really want to say "Our Wedding Was Perfect." By that I mean if anything really went wrong I don't know about it. Unlike Jem, our Day of Coordinator didn't get lost and arrive 15 minutes before the ceremony started. Unlike Vera, our Day of Coordinator didn't get sick and cancel, leaving us without a replacement.
No everything didn't go according to plan. So if you look at our wedding in that context, it like any wedding wasn't perfect. Sure there are things that got forgotten, misplaced, etc. That happens to everyone. For us that was:
- In the last minute printing and assembly of the programs, we mistyped the name of an entrée and misspelled a guest's last name (she was very good natured about it).
- While in season, Dahlias were nowhere to be found the morning we went to the San Francisco Flower Mart.
- Somewhere in our apartment I misplaced the garter Christina gave me at Burning Man that I was planning to wear again this past Sunday and was going to use in our garter toss when demanded by guests.
- Having not gone to the Med Tent at Burning Man this year I never made it back to my Burning Man weight from last year (an unhealthy, unsustainable weight for me), and while the dress could be zipped up without a corset the bustle could not easily be fastened with the corset. So breathing while sitting down was somewhat of a problem (the day after the wedding there were still marks on my torso from where the corset had constricted me).
- In the rush to get to our apartment to get ready with the girls, we forgot breakfast (the boys routed back and dropped off a variety of bagels from Noah's), champagne (Monica dashed across the street to the corner liquor store), and straws (my future sister-in-law Jamie went on a scavenger hunt first to the liquor store and then to a couple of coffee shops until straws were found).
- In the rush from our apartment to the venue, we left my getaway dress behind (Bri made sure the dress was retrieved). We left my vintage fur wrap behind (it was so unseasonably hot none of us even realized we'd forgotten it until the next day). We also forgot the Watermelon Vodka in our freezer (we toasted instead with one of my favorite tequilas Corralejo Reposado).
- In the excitement, we forgot that we were supposed to circle each other before getting to the Chuppah.
- In the midst of a last minute music change, we almost missed the Mother-Daughter Dance (we got the DJ's attention and the dance went on).
So why do I think our wedding was perfect? We agreed early on that we would create a Top Three and ensure that each other's Top Three happened. cubes' Top Three: me, the rabbi, family/friends. My Top Three: cubes, the rabbi, family/friends.
And guess what? Our Top Three happened. Surprisingly along with the Top Three, we also realized our inspiration board (I'll share more in a future post).
With this focus it was easy to let things go - including the wedding dress two bites into dinner (for those wondering about the seemingly abrupt costume change, I chose being able to eat over being photographed in my wedding dress when we cut the wedding cake, danced our first dance, etc.).
For all you other Type A's out there I highly recommend two things:
- Sit down with your partner and exchange Top Three's. It's all that should matter in the end. Make them happen. Forget about whether or not the rest comes out exactly as you envisioned.
- Hire a Month of Coordinator. Handing all the DIY projects over to a professional (I'll elaborate in an upcoming What We Did post) reduces Day of Stress tremendously. I'd read so many hindsight stories from DIY brides that I had expected not to really enjoy myself. I got to enjoy time with my new husband. I got to eat - dinner AND cake. I got mingle with our guests. I got to dance. I got to have fun.